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The Kid (He Swears a Bit) Lyrics

Kevin Bloody Wilson
First time he'd ever had shoes on, very first day at school
And the sweet young teacher, straight from college, her first day there too
His Mum and Miss Brown chatted about living out there in the scrub,
And how he'd grown up with the shearers and how he'd done it pretty rough.

But he could cull and crutch and dip and dag though he was only six,
"But I think it's best to warn you, she said, he swears a little bit"
"I'll keep me eyes on him", Miss Brown promised,
"He can be my helping hand, and I'm sure we'll be the best of friends, now won't we, little man?"
He didn't even raise his eyes, he just bit his bottom lip and shuffled sand with his new shoes and said "I don't give a shit".

"Now, now", she said "if you don't swear I'll let you ring the bell", he said "You're supposed to be the fuckin' gun, go ring the cunt yourself"

"But tell me what time's fuckin smoko?
What time do we knock off?
And I'm busting for a fuckin shit where's the thunderbox?
And do we get our daily rollie weed and six cold cans of piss?
And can any bastard tell me, whose fuckin' show is this?"

But that didn't seem to phase her, she just knelt down next to him
And sweetly smiled and softly whispered, "We'd better start again,
Because you must learn not to swear like that because it's against the rules",
he said "Well, stick your rules, and stick your shoes and stick the fuckin' school"

But she just grit her teeth and forced a smile, and didn't let it show
She just said "Let's both go on the verandah and we'll have another go,
Now if you stand here beside me, you can help me call the children up" he said,
"You don't need me to help ya, what you need's a fuckin' mutt"

But again it just bounced off her, and she let his comment pass,
Had've been me I would've kicked that midget mongrel up the arse
But she said "Now listen carefully boys and girls, and please don't make a sound"
"You tell 'em lady, now you bastards, get around"

"and find out what time's fuckin smoko?
What time do we knock off?
And I'm busting for a fuckin shit where to find the thunderbox?
And do we get our daily rollie weed and six cold cans of piss?
And can any bastard tell me, whose fuckin' show is this?"

That kid had turned the schoool right on its ear
And come recess time, two teachers'd had funckin' heart attacks and another six resigned
But through the barragh and the bedlam, Miss Brown just keep her cool,
and just ignored the little arsehole who was tryin' to wreck the school

The head said "just hide here in the staffroom until things settle down
It's really quite a lovely school, you'll get to like it here Miss Brown"
But back out side there in the schoolyard things were getting pretty hot
The little cunt had formed a union and signed all the other mongrels up
'Cos he'd learned proper from the shearers, and remembered what they'd taught
He'd promised one day on and three days off, and if it rained, don't come at all.

But meanwhile, back the in the building the staff were shitting broken glass,
As the little sawn off savages started chantin' their demands

They said "Oi, what time's fuckin smoko?
What time do we knock off?
And we're busting for a fuckin' shit, where's the thunderbox?
And do we get our daily rollie weed and six cold cans of piss?
And can any bastard tell us, whose fuckin' show is this?"

The shit-scared just shook and trembled, as he sobbed "Stick with me staff!"
As one boy, one those left behind, up and bolted for their cars,
And they knew their head had gone ta-das and his spring had finally sprung,
when he pissed and shit his daks, and started screaming for his Mum
(Muuuuum, Muuuuum!)

Then Miss Brown volunteered and said, "I know I'm only new,
but I spent my life around shearing sheds, I'll see what I can do,
Because my brothers are all shearers and I was once their roust-about,
So I'll go out there if you like, and try and sort the problem out",
She ducked and weaved and sidestepped, as she walked across the yard,
And straight up to the little cunt, drinking rum and playing cards,
And when she decked him with a four by two, the whole school stopped and gawked, and she said
"Listen here you little cunt, we need to fucking talk

'Cos there ain't no fucking smoko, I'll say when we knock off,
I'll tell you when to fucking shit too, 'cos I'm the fucking boss,
You can forget you fuckin' rollie weed, you'll get fuck all here for free,
and if you want to know who runs the show...Fucking ME!
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